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Overload Rogue Friends and Enemies With Kindness

Published on March 25, 2013,

When people we trust suddenly become enemies, the best thing to do is subdue them with kindness. Dodge that stray bullet as soon as you see it coming and watch them lose steam, or at worst, make themselves look bad.

Friends Gone Rogue

People who we once thought of as friends can unexpectedly do a ’180′ and become everything but that. What exactly happened for things to get like this? Maybe our agendas conflict, or someone wronged the the other person; regardless of the reason, the situation needs to be addressed appropriately. What to do?

A good first step is to pull the person aside and let them know how you feel. It could be a misunderstanding, or they weren’t noticing they were being mean to you. Discussing the issues can help resolve a problem before it gets out of control. A misunderstanding over a simple pen can lead to drama and headaches if you let it get to that.

But what if the person refuses to talk things out, or is just set against making your life miserable. Well, there is an option for that: let them worry about it.

A Spoon Full of Kindness

A mentor once mentioned that the best way to defuse a problematic person is to shower them with kindness. She is a networking power house and knows how to play the political game. According to her, problem child is probably looking to pick a fight, so anything you do, whether it’s intentional or not, can be twisted into a personal arrttack on them. Sadly, they may be unable to notice this. However, here’s where you can begin to gain the upper hand in the skirmksh.

Reacting in a respectful leaves them shocked and confused, and helps us come out loiking like the better person. While they are busy hating, we are busy focusing on what matters. And don’t think the people around are not noticing the situation; they already heard five versions of the ‘beef’ going on. Who looks better, the person being nice or the person being a jerk?

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not always easy to be kind, especially when the other person doesn’t deserve it. However, putting your ego aside, the benefit of not having to stress it mucb will be worth it.

I remember a friend who used to chill with me and was a great friend, but then someone came between the us and it went downhill from there. Take it from me, life is too short to let pettiness get the best of you. I may not invest much time and energy into my enemies, but at least they can’t knock me for being un courteous or escalating the situation. Usually people will get overloaded by the unexpected kindness and lose steam; but if they don’t, they’ll come out looking like jerks. Either way, you win!

Next time a friend goes rogue on you, discuss it and if that doesn’t work, let them flail alone. That’s their problem now.

What are some ways you deal with rogue friends or problematic people?

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Bruce Lee on Punching Self-Sabotage in the Face

Published on March 21, 2013,

Image of Bruce Lee with quote: Knowing is not enough, We must APPLY. Willing is not enough, We must DO.

“Knowing is not enough, We must APPLY. Willing is not enough, We must DO.”


Bruce Lee did many things in his career. He enjoyed martial arts, and developed his own style. Bruce also had a dream to share martial arts with western society, and made it happen. But he also dealt with obstacles, and applied an “all or nothing attitude” to overcome it. As I read his mantra above, I remember how we sometimes undermine our own potential despite our amazing talents.

Let’s face it, we sometimes under-perform on tasks we know we can knock out of the park easily. It’s a tendency within all persons, but with a little attitude adjustment we can overcome it.

Image of a female pinning down male opponent in a karate sparring mach.

Self-sabotage sometimes gets the best of us…

According to Comparative Social Psychology, we submit ourselves to “self-sabotage” in order to protect our egos; it’s easier to shift blame on under-performing and not achieving success, than it is to accept the hard fact that our best may not be enough. Just like Bruce Lee, we need to apply an “all or nothing attitude” to counteract this dastardly attack to our confidence.

Next time you feel like under-performing, think about why you are doing it. While it is safer for our egos, it limits our potential to grow and do amazing work. Sometimes failing when we do our best can help us grow, but chances are we will surprise even ourselves at how good we are at what we put our minds to.

When I do fail, I find myself more determined to improve and become successful despite the odds. I pick myself up and usually kick butt the second time around. Bruce Lee would be proud, to some extent.

Just like Bruce Lee we face tendencies to self-sabotage, but we can give these doubts a quick “kung pow” whenever they creep in, and achieve the success we are capable of.

What are some ways you counter self-sabotage when it strikes?

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Build Relationships and Leverage Your Connections

Published on May 31, 2012,

I recently moved to Washington, D.C. for a summer internship. After unpacking it suddenly dawned on me that there was a whole summer ahead to explore and make the most of it, but I didn’t know anything about the area. So what to do? Well, as it turns out, some of the friends I made throughout the year were also coming to D.C.; the plans were coming together without having to do much research. The power of networks is simply amazing, and I’m learning to think beyond the box about effective networking, “it’s not who you know, but rather who knows you.” Ask yourself this: in trying to reach whatever form of success drives you, is it hard work or connections that will help you? Which do you think playes the bigger role? Related: what’s the benefit of building rapport with friends or colleagues so that they’ll help you out when needed? Would you think it’s not important, or does it merit some serious thought?

Build Relationships

During the first week, the conversations with my bosses and colleagues revolved around who they are. What is it that they do? How did they get to where they are now? Throughout the conversations, I dropped a few hints about my interests and passions. The point is to show them I am interested in them; they will reciprocate to some extent. People generally like talking about themselves and will connect with you in the process.

My genuine interest in them sparked something. Case-in-point: the annual National Transition Conference happened to be this week, focusing on exactly what I am interested in. With barely a few hours into my first day on the job and the conference starting the next day, the bosses brought up my name and they found a way to work the conference into my internship schedule. It didn’t really matter that I knew them, but rather that they knew me; and more importantly, that I was the best person for the opportunity.

I’ll be the first to say hi to someone new and learn about them when the opportunity presents itself. Some of the common areas include the elevators or while walking towards the train station. It doesn’t hurt to be friendly and people don’t expect it, but they’ll remember you for being courteous and making the effort.

Leverage Your Connections

Doing good work on your own is good, but doing good work as a group is even better. Eating alone isn’t much fun and some of my roomates can cook really well. We decided to chip in for ingredients and help cook group meals to fill our tummies and cut back on our dining expenses. We tend to eat as a group and have fun in the process of cooking and eating. Part of the perks to building relationships is to leverage those connections when you need them; there’s a mutual give and take in every relationship. For great relationships, balance is key.

I recently re-connected with an old friend who graduated from George Washington University, asking them in the process for some great spots to visit. There was no hesitation, only a quick reply and friendly hello. Below are some of the places that were suggested (dining out):

This reminds me of an African proverb, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” Building your network doesn’t isn’t just about meeting people, it should be about making a memorable impression in their mind. Nothing lasts forever, so keep the channel of communication open every so often. You just never know when an opportunity comes their way and they have to think about who to pass it along to.

What are your tips for building effective relationships?

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